Sponge Bob Mafia Infiltrates America’s Schools – Bronx School Lockdown

school lockdownGet ready for it people.  The Sponge Bob Mafia has infiltrated our schools.  Just today, the New York Daily News reported a Bronx school was locked down after an employee overheard two fifth graders talking about a gun.  A Nerf gun.


Cops were called.  With weapons drawn and decked out in full SWAT regalia, they searched the school and found the dastardly Nerf gun wasn’t actually AT the school, after all.  However, with armed police and helicopters flying over the school, rest assured no member of the Sponge Bob Mafia escaped.  In fact, the child, a presumed Sponge Bob Mafioso, might be disciplined by school administrators.

Common sense might have dictated questioning of the children who were discussing the dastardly weapon.  But not here.  Not this time.  This time action was taken.  After all, we know how those nefarious Nerf sponge darts can be converted to harmful munitions (Ref: Hogwarts School of Witchcraft & Wizardry Book of Alchemy), and the pump action plastic broken down and converted to a fully automatic assault weapon (I believe a MI-5 report insinuated a Chinese origin).  And after the paper gun scare of a few weeks ago (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wyF-yqbNJ9g&feature=player_embedded), this new Homeland threat cannot be ignored.

One could argue common sense was ignored in both these instances.  I say, not so!  Common sense would have denied the parents of a rich, dramatic experience.  It would have denied SWAT and other law enforcement professionals the opportunity to test new Homeland security weapons and lockdown techniques.  As an added benefit, the display of raw police power dispelled any lingering innocence these young children may have been holding onto.  And what child, no matter how young, needs  the burden of innocence in these trying times?  Come on, people!  Sometimes common sense must be ignored in the face of facts in order to make us all feel safe.

Which is why I am in full support of disciplining the young offenders and prosecuting to the fullest extent of the law.  Fortunately, there are mandatory sentencing guidelines in place to handle offenders such as these.  Good! I say.  Throw away the key!  Next time a member of the Sponge Bob Mafia decides to talk about something fun – at recess even – well, rest assured they will think twice.

I will sleep easier tonight knowing this new terror ring suffered a debilitating loss today.  Rest easy, America.

facebook comments:

About the Author

David Bard
David is a writer living in the Midwest. His travels have taken him all over the world. He has dined with prime ministers, traveled with Maoists rebels and even shared Chang with a monk high in the Himalayas. He is a U.S. Navy veteran, an entrepreneur and inventor. He was awarded a commission as a Kentucky Colonel and given a Key to the City for his work in bridging cultures through education.